Ann Landers Come Alive in Tokyo: "Should I have another baby or not?"
Advice columns are popular everywhere but none as popular as Ask Ann Landers in 50's-60's in the US. A week ago the Yomiuri Online carried a QA in its advice column that made me ponder how Ann Landers would have advised.
Here's how it goes:
A young woman, 35, with a 5-year-old girl from her previous marriage, was two months away from her upcoming marriage with a likable man, 39. Supposedly the happiest woman in town, she came with her head down to the adviser with a dilemma over pregnancy.
Here's her problem as she put it:
"I have a girl and don't want another. He told me he wanted another eight away; I told him I would rather not. We quarreled. He said he didn't feel like getting married. I' m worried."
The latter-day Ann Landers in Tokyo asked her if her having a girl already was the only reason why she would not like to have another. The woman then confessed her past frictions with her own mother and that they were not in good terms. She said also that she was in her prime time of her career and wanted to live through it.
It was soon clear in due course of consultation that the woman was in the middle of a three-way dilemma of her relations with own mother, lack of confidence in raising another child due indirectly to her mother's failure in raising her and directly to her own hardship, if not failure, in raising her present child and, finally, her wish to stay active in her career.
The advisor suggested her to go see her mother to break the wall of distrust, anticipating their encounter would hopefully resolve years-long antagonism which had caused her a deep trauma over child-rearing.
Two months afterwards, "Ann Landers" heard from her saying:
"I talked to my mother in the way you advised me how and she apologized me for having failed in raising me properly and for not having apologized hersooner! My finance told me he still wanted to have another baby - not for him but for my girl."
Her problem is not resolved yet in full, but a light is in sight, "Ann Landers" commented.